urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:empty_goddess empty_goddess empty_goddess 2008-09-11T18:05:18Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:empty_goddess:860 2008-09-11T18:05:18Z 2008-09-11T18:05:18Z Placebo - Every Me, Every You <span style="font-size: smaller;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">so, i thought i would post pretty much a essay of pure shit that is on my mind, on my chest, before i start my fast tomorrow, clean slate, fresh start.<br /><br />first thing first - UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCKING HATE PEOPLE, I HATE PEOPLE WITH THEIR OWN HEADS UP THEIR OWN FUCKING ARSES.<br />Whenever my friends have a problem, i openly listen to what they have to say, and try my best to help them, comfort them, etc. But when i have a problem, its all 'oh shit, brb, the cats just had a crap' - Anything to shove me away. I grew up independent, with the thought of 'dont rely on nobody, then nodbody will let you down' <br />Thus leading me to be very closed, i always have my guard up, i do not throw my trust around, and i certainly stand my ground when needed, as my nana says 'im an ice maiden, would take alot to break me down and read me through, a lover and a fighter.<br />And ever since i was diagnosed with ana, i feel in control, so so so in control, i love feeling empty and powerful in my own mind, pathetic?...Maybe, but still.<br />My mum and dad work all day, sometimes even in the night, they wouldnt know if i wasnt eating if i went upto them and slapped them in the back and say 'HEY ! IM NOT EATING!'<br />My boytfriend, the most perfect person ever, loves me the way i am, however, how can i believe him when i dont even love myself?<br /><br />This is it, i will do this, for all them people who ever looked down on me, all them ultra skinny bitches who doubted me, i'll prove it.<br /><br />Ahh...after this, im going to rinse my mouth out with mouthwash, and then thats it, fresh start...&lt;3<br /><br /></span></span><br /> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:empty_goddess:744 2008-08-26T22:13:53Z 2008-08-26T22:18:58Z im back from touring, 3 months without this site was a actual nightmare.<br />ive put 4lbs on, which means im now 136.5lbs, gross, but on a brighter note, new day tomorrow, alot of consisting water, vitamin tablets, herbal tea and coffee, vodka for nights out.<br />maybe the odd sugar free lolly to keep me going, but still, no solid foods whatsoever, spesh FATTY solid foods.<br />fucking bring it on.